I hear these questions ALL THE TIME! Are they siblings? Wasn’t there 3? The first question has always dumbfounded me... ummm yes they are my twins born 10 years apart. I walked into birth moms home one time and looked at a picture on the wall of who I thought was baby girl. Clearly by the picture I had her at this age and didn’t recognize the clothes and wondered when it was taken... it was her brother! That is how much they look alike so YES they are siblings! I didn’t by chance get 2 kiddos from 2 different families that happened to look like siblings.
And the other question that makes my stomach tighten each time... yes there were three. November 28th three beautiful children arrived at my house. Three beautiful children that I instantly fell smitten with. Three beautiful children spent Christmas, New Years and Valentine’s Day with us, but no I don’t have all three beautiful children anymore.
It was a decision that wasn’t taken lightly and one of the hardest choices I’ve ever had to make. It all came down to what was best for our family as a whole. What I needed to do in everyone’s best interest. I struggle daily with the choice still. I worry that I didn’t wait long enough or I just made the wrong choice. Mommas have way more that weigh on their minds than your average joe. We make choices daily that make a difference in a little ones life. Sometimes the smallest things can change their entire course in life. Actually any adult in a child’s life has that ability, Mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, teacher, it’s just that moms tend to realize it more and worry more.
I made a choice that initially seemed to have such a negative impact. The devastation and heartache it caused tore me apart. I don’t know when I cried more, before making the choice or after and seeing the repercussions. I felt like relief was no where in sight. I kind of felt like a monster.
You are supposed to go into foster parenting expecting problems but being totally accepting and willing to work it out and not just have them sent to a different house. If you can’t seem to accomplish that you have a true sense of failure. When you are pretty sure you let your child down you really let yourself down. It is a painful hollow feeling unlike any other. I worried about him and how he felt. Did he think I just threw him away? Did he realize there were problems leading up to this? Did he work for this? Was this his intention the whole time? Will his little brother forgive me? Will he forgive him? Will they both be ok? Little bro doesn’t know a second of life without his brother, the only person he’s never really been apart from.
These are demons I have battled for 6 months. I was even asked a few months in if he could come back, where I then had to make gut wrenching choices again. Yes they both seem to be fully adjusted now and happy. The kids see each other weekly and battle it out on Fornite daily. (Insert eye roll here... I HATE Fortnite) Big bro has came to visit and spend the night a few times. He helped cohost baby girls 1st birthday party with little bro here at the house. Is this the end of the sibling trio living under this roof? I don’t have an answer to that still but I will say that it is still a battle I fight within daily and there is no greater battle than the one you fight within yourself. Especially when you’re the momma.
I hear these questions ALL THE TIME! Are they siblings? Wasn’t there 3? The first question has always dumbfounded me... ummm yes they are my twins born 10 years apart. I walked into birth moms home one time and looked at a picture on the wall of who I thought was baby girl. Clearly by the picture I had her at this age and didn’t recognize the clothes and wondered when it was taken... it was her brother! That is how much they look alike so YES they are siblings! I didn’t by chance get 2 kiddos from 2 different families that happened to look like siblings.
And the other question that makes my stomach tighten each time... yes there were three. November 28th three beautiful children arrived at my house. Three beautiful children that I instantly fell smitten with. Three beautiful children spent Christmas, New Years and Valentine’s Day with us, but no I don’t have all three beautiful children anymore.
It was a decision that wasn’t taken lightly and one of the hardest choices I’ve ever had to make. It all came down to what was best for our family as a whole. What I needed to do in everyone’s best interest. I struggle daily with the choice still. I worry that I didn’t wait long enough or I just made the wrong choice. Mommas have way more that weigh on their minds than your average joe. We make choices daily that make a difference in a little ones life. Sometimes the smallest things can change their entire course in life. Actually any adult in a child’s life has that ability, Mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, teacher, it’s just that moms tend to realize it more and worry more.
I made a choice that initially seemed to have such a negative impact. The devastation and heartache it caused tore me apart. I don’t know when I cried more, before making the choice or after and seeing the repercussions. I felt like relief was no where in sight. I kind of felt like a monster.
You are supposed to go into foster parenting expecting problems but being totally accepting and willing to work it out and not just have them sent to a different house. If you can’t seem to accomplish that you have a true sense of failure. When you are pretty sure you let your child down you really let yourself down. It is a painful hollow feeling unlike any other. I worried about him and how he felt. Did he think I just threw him away? Did he realize there were problems leading up to this? Did he work for this? Was this his intention the whole time? Will his little brother forgive me? Will he forgive him? Will they both be ok? Little bro doesn’t know a second of life without his brother, the only person he’s never really been apart from.
These are demons I have battled for 6 months. I was even asked a few months in if he could come back, where I then had to make gut wrenching choices again. Yes they both seem to be fully adjusted now and happy. The kids see each other weekly and battle it out on Fornite daily. (Insert eye roll here... I HATE Fortnite) Big bro has came to visit and spend the night a few times. He helped cohost baby girls 1st birthday party with little bro here at the house. Is this the end of the sibling trio living under this roof? I don’t have an answer to that still but I will say that it is still a battle I fight within daily and there is no greater battle than the one you fight within yourself. Especially when you’re the momma.
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